Weakest Link SGC Style!
by Sarah74656
Summary: A forerunning contender for the 'Wierdest Crossover Ever' award, brought to you by the author of the SGC Style Fairytales! SG1 are a bit short of cash, so decide to go on the TV show 'The Weakest Link' to raise that extra money...
1. Chapter 1

Title: The Weakest Link – SG-1 Style!  
Category: Attempted Humour. The weirdest crossover ever, with 'The Weakest Link!  
Spoilers: None really, just harmless ramble. A couple of characters mentioned from season four, but out of context.  
Season/Sequel info: Set anywhere, it doesn't really matter, although previous knowledge of some of the characters involved would mean you got more of the attempted jokes.  
Rating: PG, and that's going a bit over the top.  
Content Warnings: Nothing, except badly written parody without a plot.  
Summary: What? It's supposed to have a story line? Oops! Anyway, it's basically when a few of our friends (and enemies) from our favourite TV series go on the UK TV show, 'The Weakest Link'. That sounds fun… 

Disclaimer: I don't own any of this wonderful stuff. Unfortunately. I wish I did, but the lucky devils at ShowTime, Gecko and MGM have the pleasure, so I guess I'll just have to be content with doing what I do now, writing for fun. I don't get any money for it either. Sigh. And I don't own 'The Weakest Link' either. Thanks to the BBC for letting me play around with that. Oh, and they don't give me any money either, damn!

Author Comment: It's silly, like my fairytales. But it's a crossover. Yeah, well, we'll see where it goes...

"Hello, and welcome to this special edition of 'The Weakest Link'. Today we have joining us from America personnel from the US Airforce. Welcome to you all, please introduce yourself to our audience."

"Hi, my name is Daniel, I'm an archaeologist and I'm from Colorado."  
"Hello there, my name is Jack O'Neill, and I'm a colonel in the US Airforce and I work in Cheyenne Mountain, Colorado."  
"Hi. My name is Sam Carter, I'm a major in the US Airforce, I specialise in theoretical astrophysics and I'm also from Colorado."  
"Greetings. My name is Teal'c, and I serve alongside Daniel Jackson, Major Carter and Colonel O'Neill protecting this world."  
"Hi, I'm Harry Maybourne, I'm also a colonel in the US airforce, but I'm way smarter than Jack - that's why I work at Area 51."  
"Hello. I'm Jenny Haley, and I know more than anyone else here, especially Major Carter, so you might as well just give me the money now."  
"Hi, my name is Joe, and although I have nothing to do with the US Airforce I thought I'd try to do this so Sam would marry me if I win."


	2. Chapter 2

"OK team. In the first round you will have 3 minutes to answer as many questions as possible. We'll start with the player whose name is first alphabetically, that's Daniel. Let's play 'The Weakest Link'!" 

_music plays, lights come down on contestants_

"Daniel, which ancient culture's mythology features the goddess Hathor?"  
"Egyptian."  
"Correct. Jack, which constellation is named after the scales sign of the zodiac?"  
"Libra."  
"Correct. Sam, in Astrophysics, who invented three laws about the heliocentric universe that later helped Galileo prove his theories?"  
"Kepler."  
"Correct. Teal'c, complete the saying. Wild horses-"  
"Could not keep me away."  
"Correct. Harry-"  
"Bank."  
"-Who is the head of the US Airforce?"  
"Oh, I know this one… it's …erm… Elvis?"  
"Incorrect, the answer is General Ryan. Jenny, name two of the Teletubbies."  
"Oh, right, yes, erm, Lala and… Mo?"  
"Incorrect, the four are Tinkywinky, Dispy, Lala and Po. Joe, what is two plus two?"  
"Erm, five!"  
"That is incorrect! The answer is four. Daniel -"  
_cheesy buzzer sound  
_"Time is up, I am unable to complete the question. In that round, team, you scored a pathetic £200, no thanks to you three; Harry, Jenny and Joe. So who is holding you back? Vote now!"

_more music as they scribble on their boards  
Voice over_: "The weakest link in the last round was Joe. He answered the easiest question incorrectly, and failed to bank any money for the team."

"So, let's see who you think is the weakest link."  
"Joe."  
"Joe."  
"Joe."  
"Joe."  
"Jack."  
"Sam."  
"Jack."

"OK. Jenny, why Sam?"  
"I'm just cleverer than she is!"  
"Didn't she get her question correct, whereas you got yours wrong?"  
"So?"  
"OK… Harry, why Jack?"  
"I'm a better Colonel than he is."  
"Great team tactics there I see. Joe, why Jack?"  
"Well, Sam should like me better, and she won't until I get rid of him, so he has to go I'm afraid."  
"OK, Joe, I think you're on the wrong show. Anyway, Joe, with four votes you are the weakest link, goodbye."

_more music as Joe walks off  
lights come on intheinterview room_

"I don't think I should have been voted off, I mean, I'm much better than Jack, let me back at him, I'll teach him who's best, let me at him!…"  
_security guards come and take him away_


	3. Chapter 3

"OK team. You are one mindless moron less, we're taking 10 seconds off your time, let's see if you can't do any better in this round. We'll start off with the alphabetically first strongest link from the last round, that's Daniel. Let's play, 'The Weakest Link"

_cheesy music plays_

"Daniel, which day of the week is named after a Norse goddess?"  
"Friday."  
"Correct. Jack, what 'O' is the colour of the fruit and also its name?"  
"Orange."  
"Correct. Sam, NH3 is the chemical formula for which gas?"  
"Ammonia."  
"Correct. Teal'c, who hosts the ITV game show, 'Blind Date'?"  
"Cilla Black." _surprised looks from all of SG-1_  
"Correct. Harry-"  
"Bank."  
"-According to the famous Strauss waltz, what colour is the Danube?"  
"Erm, a greyish green?"  
"Incorrect, the answer is blue. Jenny, before his fall, what was Humpty Dumpty sitting on?"  
"Erm, a faulty chair?"  
"Incorrect, the answer is a wall. Daniel, what-"  
_ buzzer sounds_  
"I'm sorry, time is up, I am unable to complete the question. In that round, team, you have scored a pathetic £200 once again. So who needs to go? Vote now!"

_more music as they scribble on their pads  
Voice over_: "In that round, Jenny was the weakest link, as she failed to answer any questions correctly or bank any money for the team."

"Right, let's see your votes."  
"Jenny."  
"Jenny."  
"Jenny."  
"Jenny."  
"Jack."  
"Sam."  
"OK. Harry, why Jack?"  
"I'm still better than he is."  
"Even though he has two correct answers so far and you have none?"  
"I was unlucky with the questions!"  
"Quite. Jenny, dare I ask why Sam?"  
"I'm smarter than she is."  
"Well, Jenny, that appears to be yet another wrong answer. You are the weakest link, goodbye."

_Jenny storms off to more music  
lights comeup on the interview room_  
"They only voted me off because they like her better. I'm gonna go break someone's nose and be a know-it-all some more."  
_she storms off  
noises of a scuffle are heard outside_


	4. Chapter 4

"Right, team. You've ridden yourself of another idiot, we're taking another 10 seconds off the clock, let's see if you can't do any better this time. We'll start with the strongest link from the last round that's alphabetically first, that's Daniel again. Let's play, 'The Weakest Link'!"

_music plays_

"Daniel, the river Rhine flows into which sea?"  
"North Sea."  
"Correct. Jack, what was the name of Captain Kirk's pointy eared science officer?"  
"Spock."  
"Correct. Sam, who wrote the musical 'Whistle Down the Wind?"  
"Andrew Lloyd Webber."  
"Correct. Teal'c, who said 'let them eat cake'?"  
"Marie Antoinette." _more surprised looks_  
"Correct. Harry-"  
"Bank."  
"-How many books are there in a trilogy?"  
"Erm, six?"  
"Incorrect, the answer is three. Daniel, which-"  
_ buzzer sounds_

"I'm sorry, time is up, I am unable to complete the question. Well, team, in that round once again you've gained another £200 for the kitty, bringing the prize total so far to £600 from a possible £3000. So, who do you think is the weakest link? I know who I'd pick… Anyway, vote now!"

_ more music  
Voice over: "_Statistically, Harryis the weakest link, as he is the only player to have answered any questions incorrectly."  
"OK, let's see who you think is the weakest link!"  
"Harry."  
"Harry."  
"Harry."  
"Harry."  
"Jack."  
"OK. Well, that's pretty unanimous. I'm not going to ask why you wanted him gone, and Harry, I'm not going to ask why you picked Jack. You are obviously the weakest link, goodbye."  
_he refuses to move and the security guards come and take him away back to his cell_

" Right team, let's see if you can do any better now that you've got rid of those three. We'll take another 10 seconds off the clock, and start with Daniel again. Let's play, 'The Weakest Link'!"

_afew rounds later_

"Right, team. In that last next round you have won another quite credible £1500. This brings your total prize money now to £3600. In the next round, you will be able to triple your winnings, but I don't see that it matters who you get rid of, since none of you have answered a question wrong yet. OK, so who's going to go?"

_music plays as they scribble on their boards  
Voice over:_"Statistically, there isn't a weakest link, as no-one has answered any questions wrongly. At all. In the entire game."

"So, let's see how you all sorted that one; let's see your votes."  
"Jack."  
"Sam."  
"Daniel." _they all grin – they know what they've done_  
"OK. This is a problem. Usually when this happens the strongest link gets to choose who goes, but since you have all answered all your questions correctly we'll just have to keep you all in the game. So, erm, nobody is the weakest link, and, erm, that's it. So, erm, we'll start with Daniel again and play 'The Weakest Link'!"

_the round goes by, everyone answers correctly_

"Well, that's another £1500, which we'll triple to £4500 and add it to your prize money so far, so one of you will be going home with £8100, although how we're going to choose which one I don't know. Anyway, we'll ask some more questions, because we have to, and then we'll worry about it. Let's play, 'The Weakest Link'!"


	5. Chapter 5

_another round goes by, no wrong answers_

"OK, well, this is stupid. Let's go to the tie-breaker round then-"

_Sam pipes up  
_"Erm, excuse me, Anne? What about if we just split the money and go home?"  
_Anne is visibly relieved  
_"Sounds good to me. So, Sam, Jack and Daniel all won, and they go back to the USA with £8100 to share between them. You've been watching 'The Weakest Link', goodbye."  
_shewinks at the camera, then it cuts  
she is heard muttering something about quitting the job as she walks off stage_

_SG-1 looks at one another_.  
"So."  
"So."  
"So."  
"She was a bit mean, wasn't she?"  
"Don't knock it, sir, we're £8100 better off now."  
"Yeah, Jack. We are gonna split it four ways, right?"  
"Of course. But you know what?" _everyone looks confused_ "We still haven't settled who is the smartest."

_they all look at one another  
Jack shrugs, followed by Sam, then Daniel  
they all grin, and walk off to go find Teal'c, £8100 better off for their trip_


End file.
